It's been a tough week. Something that I thought was going to be good turned out to be, well nothing, really. I have this Christmas cactus that is a cutting from my grandmother's big giant one. And I am the worst with houseplants. Which is why people now try to give me succulents and see if at least those might be able to survive under my care. One year the cactus put out a bud! It sat in its wee pot doing its thing and miraculously not dying, but it had never had any flowers. I was ecstatic that it had a bud, and I watched it get bigger every day. I was so excited to see this thing bloom, I was sure it was going to be gorgeous. I didn't care that it was only one bud. I was happy to see it. It grew and grew until finally it just fell off. It never opened. Just fell off onto the window sill.
I went over to my friend DeeAnn's house awhile ago, and loaded up with wine and cheese and cherries, we sat outside and drank and snacked and talked about the near impossibility of finding a relationship that is better than what we have on our own. It was a testament to the lives we've each built for ourselves, our quests for interesting and rewarding work, our creative passions, the activities we engage in and places we like to go. We aren't dependent upon men for our survival or even to make a good life. How lucky we are to live in this time when that is true. How frustrating that it seems to raise the bar so high.
Among the many profound changes that happened to me after my son was born, I found I had a severely limited tolerance for bullshit. My priorities were suddenly very clear, and the stakes were high. By the time the baby turned one, I had left his father. Yes, you can draw a line between those two points.
I have re-potted that Christmas cactus, put it into a bigger container, given it fresh soil, some fertilizer. I thought I might kill it during the transplant, but it has adapted to its new home. It's even put out some new leaves. I suppose it might actually bloom one day, but I'm not holding my breath. If it does produce a flower or two, the soft colorful petals will only last a short time before they too wilt and fall off leaving only the resilient segmented cladodes.