nina turns 40

one

Song lyric which has been obsessively running through my head through much of the last couple of months:

Did I disappoint you
or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
and you want me to go without.

be here now

Yesterday I was walking to the bus stop, stuck inside my head, thinking about who knows what.  Something caught my attention in my peripheral vision, and I looked up to see a chimney on an apartment building putting out a big cloud of white steam into the sky. It was so beautiful, and suddenly I felt as if I had woken up.  Everything looked so beautiful, the sky, the pattern of bricks on another building, the bright red color of a car parked on the road, and I thought, this is what they mean by the perfection of each moment, this is why you must stay ever present.  If you are really here then you can see the beauty in everything.  Moments like that seem fleeting, I feel blessed when visited by one, but I must remind myself that they are always there in the stillness waiting patiently for me to notice them.

Happy New Year, everyone.

I give up

I felt pretty cute today when I left the house.  I'm wearing jeans, but I have on one of my new Christmas sweaters, and nice earrings, and I combed my hair and put on lip gloss and stuff.  One of the first things one of my co-workers (a man) said to me this morning was, "It looks like you left the house in a rush today." <sigh>

another reason why therapy is probably a good idea

Barista (looking at nina's tin of ginger Altoids): Do you like those?

nina: Yes, I do.

Barista: I don't! They hurt my mouth

nina: They hurt mine, too.  That's why I like them!

it's official

Well, boys and girls, after almost five years and a sum of money that we'd really rather not contemplate, it has happened:  I am officially, completely, legally, and totally divorced.  And just to tempt the fates, I will hereby declare that I ain't never getting married again.

solita

So I'm back home alone, no kidlet, no nobody.  I saw him for all of 24 hours (saw my sister for less than that).  He had a good time at his daddy's, and was thrilled with all the loot he scored at G&G's, so all is well.  As he was falling asleep last night, though, he asked me how long I would be there, and he sighed a big "awwwwww" when I told him I had to come home today in order to go to work tomorrow.  I spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over the weekend, I'm still not well, though I feel tremendously better.  Just downloaded Seven Bridges Road (Eagles) to my iPod, and I'm munching on the candied walnuts that my grandmother makes every year.  I'm thinking of tsunamis and of how I take my safety for granted, and of how I've dreamed walls of green water coming towards me many times.

Kidlet, I love you like a tsunami washing over me, may you always be safe.

Why yes, Christmas was very nice, thank you, but it hasn't really started yet.  We are on our way to pick up the kidlet, so now the party is about to begin. 

DOL

After observing my behavior of late, especially as it relates to certain young men of the coffee slinging profession, followed by my chagrin that they are so, well, young, and I am not, a co-worker of mine has suggested that I embrace my inner Dirty Old Lady.  This sounds like fun, but I fear it could lead to my arrest, or at least my downfall.  The fact that I would surely make a fool of myself seems pretty self-evident, now doesn't it?  Nevertheless, I believe I will follow her advice.  Keep your eyes out for my new line of Dirty Old Lady merchandise, to include T-shirts, coffee mugs (of course), and for 2006, a calendar.  And if you are a cute young barista in this town, you've been warned. 

ice ice baby

Those young whippersnappers.  They don't know how good they've got it.  Why back in my day, when you went bowling, there were gutters.  There were gutters no matter how little you were, and you just went up to the line and threw yer ball, and if ya got zero pins the whole game, that's what ya got.  Nowadays with those bumper thingamajigs it just ain't the same.  Last night we went ice skating.  Wouldn't ya know it, there's some new contraption for kids there, too.  They look like the walkers that old people use--small metal frames that kids can use to balance on and push in front of them as they skate along.  Well, I never! The kidlet doesn't need such a silly contraption to skate, he can hold my hand, I thought.  Yeah, until I got on the ice, and saw how unstable I was, not to mention how tired my already sore right arm got with all the tugging and stretching.  So, we nabbed one, and whoosh! off went the kidlet, blades flying, around and around and around that rink, and I got my sea legs (so to speak) back, and we all had a rousing good time.  The ice was in horrible condition, and the teenagers were out for blood (and booty), but I'd been wanting to skate for many years, and your body really does remember how to do these things if you give it a chance.  I was very impressed by how many times the kidlet fell and got up with no complaints.  I was even more impressed that my hind quarters didn't hit the ice once.  Afterwards we rode on the carousel, the little kids in the sleigh (we're afraid of the horses--sheesh), and the grown ups riding up and down, up and down, as the lights of the season went whizzing by.

does it rhyme with fog?

Three guesses what Merriam-Webster's #1 word of the year was for 2004.