My days have taken on a sameness and a quietness that in some ways is highly enjoyable. It's hard though to ignore the voice that constantly pushes me to be doing something else. Some of what the voice says is utterly practical: get some income. Some of it is just the same old negative crap. No matter what I do, it seems there is a voice inside that is more than happy to criticize it, often cruelly. Sometimes the voice gets really creative and berates both sides of any decision I make. For example, if I don't wear makeup, the voice says that I am a big slob who is letting myself go and don't care about my personal appearance. If I then think, OK, I'll put some on, the voice says that I am vain and silly and why would I bother with make up when I'm just walking around on the beach.
It's pretty amazing how creative and persistant this voice is. I'm starting to learn how to battle it pretty effectively, so I think its getting desperate and ever more wiley. Part of my psyche is really afraid of what will happen if the voice is gone. So much of our thinking is just an elaborate defense mechanism, which is why I think meditation is so important for me. What is below all of that thinking?
Ah The Voice.
You can talk back to it. Tell it to shut up. Then replace its negative comments with something positive about yourself.
Meditation will definitely help still the mind. The voice gets really strong once you start trying to defeat it, but in the end it never wins. That fear about what's beyond the voice is just the voice's fear, not yours.
Posted by: jessica | 24 February 2007 at 05:09 PM
For me, this was precisely what Julia Cameron got us to dig after with those morning pages-- when you do 3 pages straight out day in day out that voice has no where to go and you get to the real stuff behind the fake voice that can so easily tyrannize us with its inanity.
Posted by: Elizabeth | 26 February 2007 at 02:00 PM
Oh, it just takes practice to either ignore the voice, outfox it with logic or get it to argue with itself and leave you in peace!!
Posted by: jeanie | 27 February 2007 at 03:16 PM
I like how you've captured the evil wiles of The Voice.
Posted by: ValMalGal | 09 March 2007 at 11:01 AM