journeys of a restless mind

some leonard cohen for a foggy day

Well they lay down beside me, I made my confession to them.
They touched both my eyes and I touched the dew on their hem.
If your life is a leaf that the seasons tear off and condemn
they will bind you with love that is graceful and green as a stem.

from the song Sisters of Mercy

rust

There is an old rusty vent on a building that I see out my window and for some reason it is so beautiful right now.  It might be because the golden light is shining directly on it, making the rust glow more red than brown and reminding me of the leaves on the oak trees below.  But I always love rusty things or things with the paint fading off of them, layers of other paint below.  I like dying flowers, the process of decay, ruins.  Sally Mann took fotos of rotting corpses.  They are hard for me to look at (and yes that link will take you to one).  Perhaps I only like decay when it doesn't remind me of my own.

The light has shifted or changed and now the vent is just a vent again.

post or die

The more observant of you will have noticed I have a shiny new button on my sidebar.  It is evidence of my weak will and inability to back down from a challenge.  As my t-shirt drawer will attest, I pretty much do anything Mrs. Kennedy says.   Behold NaBloPoMo.  If she thinks that posting everyday in November is a good thing, then who am I to say nay?  I will of course cheat and post lots of fotos. 

The timing on this is quite good.  Ever since I started blogging for Club Mom, I feel like I've been neglecting things here.  Now that there's a gun to my head and everything, I'll just have to find something else to neglect.

vista

I have said this a dozen times: the sailboats on Lake Union are so beautiful.  Today there's an old one  from the Center for Wooden Boats cruising around, bigger and taller than the rest, its off-white canvas billowing against the blue water.  I saw a hawk today, too, or maybe a falcon.   Wings spread like a sail, it looped around and around, belly glowing golden in the afternoon light.  Every time I see one of  these raptors in the sky above my desk, I think Chris would know what this is; he could name it for me.

The river of cars never stops.  From a co-worker's window I see there is still mist clinging low and white to Elliott Bay.  It was bunched up tight around the base of the broadcast towers by my house this morning like a skirt around a Christmas tree.  Everywhere I look, things are pointing to the sky.  Yellow cranes, white satellite dishes, masts.  There's even a copper steeple in among the trees.  When the leaves are gone, I'll be able to see the whole church.

friday iPod random ten, diana's husband edition (with lyrics)

Beyond Belief - Elvis Costello
"You'll never be alone in the bone orchard."

Steal Your Love - Lucinda Williams
"You ain't about to give it up for no one."

16 Days (live) - Whiskeytown
"Can't sleep when the bedsheets fight."

Too Damn Hot - Ella Fitzgerald
"But I ain't up to my baby tonight."

Watching the Detectives - Elvis Costello
"She's filing her nails while they're dragging the lake."

I Put A Spell On You - Nina Simone
"I don't care if you don't want me, I'm yours right now."

U.R.A.Q.T. - M.I.A.
"Is your dad a dealer? Cuz you're dope to me."

Watch Your Step - Elvis Costello
"Don't say a word, don't say anything."

Angel Mine - Cowboy Junkies
"I'll never betray your trust angel mine."

La Cigarra - Linda Rondstadt
"Ya me canso de buscar un amor correspondido."

It's been a long and emotionally draining week.  Each day is more beautfiul than the last--it's hard to beat a warm Seattle autumn--but it's all starting to feel a bit surreal.  The beginning of the school year always heightens my sense of not quite fitting in to the world I've created for my child.  I live in the land of the rich and beautiful, and sometimes I feel a bit like the unloved step-sister in  a fairy tale.  Tell my fairy godmother to get her ass in gear, would you?

Part of what's hard right now is that so much is up in the air.  Hijo's dad is out of work (still).  Not surprsingly he finds himself broke.  This wouldn't be so bad in and of itself, but he's also extremely orgulloso.  Bad combination.  I can't help him if he doesn't want help, and I don't particularly want to be sucked into that vortex anyway.  The man is a tad emotionally manipulative.  Passive-aggressive.  Not always acting as if he posseses the best of mental health.  Blech.

My salve for all of this will be a day in the country sunshine with Hijo, my best girls, and a buncha kidlets.  I have been assured that there will be no pumpkin flinging devices there, though of course there will be unborn jack-o-lanterns aplenty, the choosing of which is a very serious business indeed--size, shape, heft, color, and potential for scariness must all be taken into consideration.  Also, I am hoping this is not one of those farms with animals that they encourage you to pet.  I am not touching any goats.  What they should have is hard cider, maybe warmed and spiced, and a place for the parents to hang out and drink it.  That's it Johnny, run along and get lost in the corn maze, mommy's gonna enjoy the bounty!

right now

A little black feather just drifted up, see-sawing right past my window.

what, me overwhelmed?

Oh god, I miss Summer.  You know, Summer when there are not 972 pieces of very important paper brought into my home every week.  When there are no curriculum nights, or family potlucks, or fundraisers.  When I never would have been happy to receive a big fat desktop organizer thingamajig for my birthday.   Luckily, I also got a cocktail shaker.  On the first free evening I have--which looks to be some time in early 2007--I'm going to mix up a big batch of vodka martinis and organize stuff.

Updated to add:  I've figured out why people homeshcool!  It's ostensibly about giving your kids a better education and instilling your wacky values on them with no outside influence and all of that, but  it's really about not having to do all that paperwork.

like a drunk in a midnight choir