I've had this nagging feeling for awhile that things are going down hill .  My body complains a lot.  It's tired of sitting in front of the computer so much.  My kid is angry at me a lot, for reasons I can't quite fathom.  I cry.  A lot.  I drink too much coffee; I eat too many cinnamon bears.  I look out the window and I don't know what to do.  I've spent so much of my life on a quest for true love.  Now I think my quest was wrong, but I don't know what to search for instead.  And how do you stop searching?

The problem with Buddhism is that it isn't very comforting.  It doesn't promise to take your sins away, nor your pain.  You are not transformed or reborn.  You are still yourself.  And you have to just sit with that.  Every day, every breath.  There's nobody to pray to and no way out.  Yet, this is what I choose.  This is how I want to live my life: to keep waking up little by little, to keep opening up my heart--even though it never stops hurting, and I'm as confused as ever.

Comments

[scott]

((hug))

What'd the Buddha say about that, hm?

[Janeen]

Oh, the Buddha says hugs are good, but they, like everything else, are impermanent.
(thanks)

[Rinn]

(Comment right before mine--so nice.)

Anyway, I agree Buddhism is so hard, but think of the comfort you get in knowing that, as you sit with your pain, you are in the present moment, and all the thoughts, projections, worries, hopes, imaginings of horrible things, are actually not occurring in the present moment, but instead are just floating through your head. (Honestly, though, I sometimes do still find comfort in reciting my old Catholic prayers from childhood when I'm feeling especially lost in the world.)

[Barry]

The advantage of the Buddhist way, as I see it, is exactly that there isn't someone to "pray to". Rather than telling you that God will take away your pain (and then if she doesn't... where does that leave you?), it guides you to finding your own way through your pain.

It also doesn't (or I don't think it does, anyway) mean that one has to do it alone. You have Phil helping you, and the Kidlet (even when he's angry there's love there and he's part of you); I'm sure there are others.

I, too, have always been looking for "true love", and I still am. Why is it wrong? It may — or may not — be a neverending quest, but the quest itself is part of it all.

[Janeen]

OK, let me qualify something: I now believe that it's wrong (or perhaps futile) to look for true love outside of yourself. And the Buddha also says that yes, everything, everything is part of the path.

[Janeen]

Oh, and everybody knows that Janeen=nina=me, right? I should be more consistent in the naming of myself. But where's the fun in that?

[peg]

Do you remember Jennifer James? When I read her "Success is the Quality of the Journey" (I think that's right), I was just in the right place to hear a message. I kind of made a decision to be happier - or at least content with many things that I had been riling against.
Keep reading -- I bet you will find a philosophy that gives you peace.