not entitled

Because of this post over at Granny Gets a Vibrator, I now have in my hot little hands a copy of bell hooks' Communion. This bit from the preface 'splains quite a lot:

All girls continue to be taught when they are young, if not by their parents then by the culture around them, that they must earn the right to be loved--that "femaleness" is not good enough.  This is a female's first lesson in the school of patriarchal thinking and values.  She must earn love.  She is not entitled.  She must be good to be loved.  And good is alwyas defined by someone else, someone on the outside. [p xii, emphasis mine]

How does one begin to define good for herself after so much time?  How does she find her authentic self underneath all those layers of what others have put on her; layers she has put on herself?  Will she be strong enough to face the pain of peeling them all off?

Comments

[Lily Bleu]

I struggle everyday to be my authentic self. It took escaping from my family and from the Church to do it, but I am doing my damnedest to be authentic everyday.