Diary of a Single Mom on the Edge

since Hijo got home Saturday evening, I have managed to...

...have 35 tickle fights.

...lose to Hijo at both Cogno and Mille Bournes (but have so far avoided the dreaded Monopoly).

...see Ratatouille, which is as good as everyone says it is.  It will make you hungry, or want to go to Paris, or both.

...come home twice after Hijo is already asleep.

...pass beginning sailing class.

...not buy groceries.

...talk to a financial advisor.

I'm hungry

After watching some especially creepy footage of lobsters gnawing away on the legs of starfish followed by a scene showing a bunch of sea bass gobbling up some little baby fish Hijo turned to me and said, "I'm really glad we're at the top of the food chain!"

saturday this and that, with foto

Am I a terrible person and a bad mother because I'm a little bit sad that it will soon be time to play mommy again?  Hijo is zooming towards home, and while I am jumping-up-and-down excited to see him, I kinda liked not having to be responsible for anyone but myself. 

If you live in a tourist town, do not, I repeat not, go downtown on a Saturday in the summer.  Everyone will annoy you.

My equilibrium is all wonky.  I feel like I'm rolling on the water.

I bought this cute little garden-in-an-old-coffee-cup at the farmer's market this morning:

The jazz festival is in town, and because I'm such a lame-o I missed buying tickets and it is pretty much sold out.

Yesterday morning as I left for wok I was greeted by a friendly neighborhood rodent.  Must have been on her way downtown to catch an early showing of Ratatouille.  This neighborhood apparently has a rat problem.  I suggested to my landlord that I could get a cat.  "Oh no," she insisted, "the coyotes would eat a cat."  Hmmm.  Why don't the coyotes eat the rats, then?  I unfortunately have experience with these naked-tailed critters, and I prefer not to repeat it.  I got out my flashlight and poked around in the storage shed off the carport and in other rat-likely places around the outside the house, and so far it doesn't look like any are living with me.  Frankly, I don't care, as long as none of them make their way inside the house.

As I have learned from both The Sopranos and The L Word, when you watch marathon sessions of a particular TV series, you are likely to have weird dreams afterwards.  I confess to enjoying the dreams generated by the lesbians more than the ones inspired by the gangsters.

Have I mentioned that I am a little bit freaked out by the prospect of turning 45 later this year?

what I have

The beach at low tide, slick with eelgrass, dotted with birds.  The sound of foghorns and buoys.  This heart, which is full and active in my chest.  Each breath. 

My mind and all the places that it wanders.

The anticipation of Hijo coming home.  His smile, his mussed up hair.  His insatiable desire to be tickled.

The soft gray sky.

what I don't have

It's lonely without Hijo here.  I talked to him on the phone yesterday, and he told me they went swimming in "a mountain lake."  It was remarkable because I think this is the first time he's swum in a lake.  Later, they went back to the condo and swam in the pool.  No such thing as too much swimming.

I'm sad that I'm not going to BlogHer this year.  It's had a big impact on my life, and I will miss being a part of it.  It's in Chicago, where I lived for five years.  Lots of ghosts there, and an old friend or two.

I'm starting to long for certain things that I haven't longed for in a long time.  It's unsettling.  It enters my dreams.

I want to be strong.  Physically strong.

random thoughts after my first day of sailing class

The boat we use is called Risa.  Risa means laughter in Spanish.

There is a TON of terminology to learn.  I had no clew.*

My style as a student hasn't changed much.  Hand raised in the air, pick me! pick me!  I know the answer! I know! Pick me!

A baseball cap is a bad choice for a hat when it's windy out.

I can't wait to actually get out of the marina (yesterday we got to hoist the main and the jib, but not taker her out).

Before yesterday I had no idea what a "jib" was.  It's a sail.

A "sheet" is not a sail.  It's a rope line.

See what I mean about the terminology? 

Wearing a life jacket makes me feel like a little kid.

Someday, I might just sail away and never come back.

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*Bonus points to anyone who gets my cheesy joke.

purple rain

Every year in Sequim they host a Lavender Festival.  Due to the quirks of geography and climate, Sequim, only about 75 miles as the crow flies from the Hoh Rain Forest, is sunny and dry enough to grow that fragrant flower that we usually associate with the South of France.  I spent yesterday with my aunt and some cousins wandering around fields like this.  It was blissfully cloudy and relatively cool.  I bought earrings and a coffee cup and soap.  I got a call from my mother reporting that despite outfitting Hijo with a pair of these, he was as sick as could be from riding in the back seat of their car. 

I do not usually get car sick, but I do in their car, so I was very sympathetic to both of them.  They are on a road trip afterall.  I think the homeopathic (or accupressuristic) was abandoned for the chemical, and some dramamine worked a lot better.  Me, I'm dousing myself with a bit of aromatherapy in the form of a big bunch of lavender picked not from one of the farms, but my aunt's front yard.

Whenever Hijo goes away on vacation and I stay home it is a huge lesson in letting go.  Part of me is always afraid that something horrible will happen to him and I won't be there.  Part of me is rolling my eyes and saying everything will be fine, quit looking for drama everywhere. Part of me is grateful to have the time to do things like take sailing lessons.  Part of me feels like the house is so empty without him.

The lavender fields were buzzing with all kinds of bees.  Some of the bushes were so tall that they almost hid the little kids running through them.  When you walked past them and brushed the flowers with your legs, the scent was heavenly.  Being at the farms is very peaceful, even with lots of people and craft booths and music.  When Hijo gets back I will have to take him to one, and let him snip off the long stems with a pair of scissors to make a bouquet for us.

sail on, sail on, sailor

Next week is one of those weeks where Hijo and my folks head off on vacation together and I stay home and work. I would be feeling quite sorry for myself except for the fact that while they are gone, I'm going to take sailing lessons!  I have long harbored a secret desire to take a sailing class, and even though I act like the only reason I moved up here was to benefit Hijo, I must confess that learning to sail was one of the draws for me.  Of course, one can learn to sail in Seattle.  I used to watch the little boats they used for classes on Lake Union all the time.  But in Seattle, sailing is one of many things that people do for fun.  Here, sailing is what a lot of people live for.

This is a maritime town if there ever was one.  We host what is widely considered the best wooden boat festival in the world.  People here are hard core, and especially where I work, if you don't spend a significant amount of time out on the water, or at the very least building or fixing up a boat, folks think there's something wrong with you. 

So, if I want to be taken the least bit seriously in this town, not to mention fufill a long-held dream, I decided I'd better shake a leg and show my true colors and mind my p's and q's* matey, and on Monday evening, I begin.  If you are out cruising on your yacht next week, you might want to steer clear of Townsend Bay during the hours of 5:30-8:30 for the next little while. 

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*Did you know these are all seafaring terms?  My favorite is "shake a leg" which comes from the fact that the sailors slept in hammocks, and the in the morning the officer would order the sailor to shake a leg to prove that he was awake.

contest! contest! contest!

Two of the fabulous ClubMom bloggers are having a foto contest with a twist: instead of asking for submissions from readers, they're asking for submissions from reader's kids.  I love this idea!  Hijo really enjoys taking pictures and I'm sure he will jump at the chance to enter one (or more, you can submit up to three). 

Go here for all the details.  There's plenty of time before it begins (the contest starts next week), so get those little ones shooting.

roar!

Hijo and I went to see the "Walking With Dinosaurs" show at the Tacoma Dome on Sunday.  Hijo thought it was great, both funny and cool.  Can't beat that.  So, I suppose it's petty of me to complain about how expensive it was*.  And Hijo didn't even score any of the cool dino-related toys that were on sale about the stadium (he got one hot dog and one half a diet soda, woo!).

I was a bit worried about all the logistics of getting there, parking, whether or not our seats would be horrible, and the massive amounts of people all in one place, which I think only proves that I have indeed become a small town girl.  It all went beautifully, however, and parking was only ten bucks instead of twenty-five.  Hijo was impressed with being in a big stadium, but I kept looking at all the lighting equipment hanging from the ceiling and imagining what it would be like if it fell down on top of us.  This is what watching movies does to you.

I was annoyed that the default mode for all the dinosaurs was "he."  Only two were ever identified as female, and they were acting in a motherhood role.  I kept wanting to scream out, "Half the dinosaurs were female, you know!"  Instead I kept whispering it in Hijo's ear, which apparently is the most annoying thing ever.  It was some consolation that the big star of the show, the T-Rex, was in fact a female (I mean a mommy, because in that world you aren't a female unless you're a mommy).  She stormed on the scene to protect her little baby, and roared so loudly that we all had to cover our ears.  She was impressive and badass and we applauded her enthusiastically.  My only disappointment was that she didn't gobble up the paleontologist that was on the floor narrating it all.

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*And I had help paying for it